then again, too few to mention.

My Way Remixed from Iñaki Rodriguez Araluce on Vimeo.

"my useless, uncalloused hands"

title from Cristina García's The Agüero Sisters.

The tension between intellectualizing and acting pervades my skin (until I'm crawling) every time I vere to some dyadic end. Wholeness in living requires some balancing act that is inevitably ungraceful. Maybe liminality (between work and thought) is like vulnerability in relationship; uncomfortable, but necessary and enriching (when you don't fight it).

I've had a perpetual layer of dirt under my fingernails since Saturday.
And I haven't been writing.
I swear, my body's been going through detox.

Tired of its "useless uncalloused hands."

Tired, too, of being by itself.

(The rabbithole is bright and magnetic, but best shared--lest you find yourself lost, and in danger of losing head).

Anyways, I'm off to ride my bicycle.
And Thursday, I'm going back to Good Earth Farm.
Farm-magic reminds me how simultaneously small and big I am,
and when I ride my bicycle, it always feels like I'm flying.
I like that.

Always,

L

weeds//sidewalk-cracks by Leslie Albanese is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivs 3.0 Unported License.

lost and found.

Wallet. ("Lost" at Jackie O's Pub and Brewery May 24, 2011. Found at Jackie O's Pub and Brewery May 24, 2011).
Klean Kanteen (custom ordered with my name on it, just so I wouldn't lose it. Left in Dayton).
a four leaf clover (maybe my best Spring-season for 4 leafers yet; I found 7 this week alone!)
(artwork by yours truly).
Journal. (it was in Marysville. I am a silly rabbit).

I've also found 2 missing earrings this week.

It's like I crawled out of my 60-page-honors-thesis-monster tunnel and have eyes for new (and old) things again.

weeds//sidewalk-cracks by Leslie Albanese is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivs 3.0 Unported License.

New Arcade Fire! Whaaa?
(!!!!)
listen here.

insides

("Shadow Dance" by Martin Lewis).

("Mother and Child" by Gustav Klimt).

For every route, could haves/should haves/might haves in infinity.

It's a dangerous game: the either/or, the re-writing of choices.

There so many pulls inside me.

So many entryways, leading to new entryways.

FINIS.

another favorite from Nelsonville Music Festival.
(I feel like the lead singer of Y La Bamba sounds like a latina Coco Rosie. Bliss).

Y La Bamba — Ponce Pilato from The Sights Of Sounds on Vimeo.

Y La Bamba - Juniper from Smoke Signals on Vimeo.

Y La Bamba - Tragos Amargos from The Sights Of Sounds on Vimeo.

Words by Sharon Van Etten
"Holding Out"
FROM: Because I was In love

I was floored
by your humble outlook on the world
around you,
who and all you are.
I was floored
by the way you take me
seriously,
even when I'm joking.

Damn, damn, damn, damn.

I'm not tired and I'm tired
of not calling out
on the street I was holding out
Holding out,
'cross the table I was holding out,
trying to find a lover like that.
Holding out,
like the wind I was holding out,
staying still,
hoping no one else would see me.
Hoping calm,
replacing silence, drying palms.
Do I need a reason to hold you now?
'Cause I'd hold you now,
yeah I would hold you now.
One night,
And all I need is one more day.
Holding out,
for something that feels okay,
and the right thing to do is wait.

Holding out,
holding out,
holding out for you.

I am strange,
Believed in fairy tales at a young age.
Circumstance,
now I kick myself in the pants.
And then you came to me
in a faraway way,
and I'm bringing you something
I want you to have,
it's the biggest part of my heart
that I still got.

Hoping arms--
no--
Holding out
I'll be holding out.

holding out.
I'll be holding out,
holding out.
Holding out,
holding out for you.

so tired/so tired/wanna keel on over

Last night my father reminded me how many words were in the Gettysburg Address.
And to "keep it simple, stupid" (kiss) this thing goodbye.

This morning Adam quoted Winston Churchill: "if you're going through Hell, keep on going!"
He also sent me some inspirational music:



here. we. go. magic!

[50 pages in/10 to go. Won't be long now].

strangers to change/window-panes

something about doors and windows and openings and closings.
yeah something about that.
--
I got two and a half hours of sleep last night. (I'm tired) (but everyone's tired/but nobody's tired enough). And I had a strange dream, with dream-water again.
My thesis is 45 pages in, and for the first time in a long time, I can see forward and inward and in front of me.

also, Iron & Wine's Daytrotter sessions are really beautiful. I almost like them better than the album versions:

"I recall, the sun in our faces
Stuck and leaning on graces
And being strangers to change

The radio and the bones we found frozen
All the thorns and the roses
Beneath your window pane"

On being unkind to yourself//and dreaming in reverse.

(Cause I sure can be unkind to myself)

(We can all be unkind to ourselves).

photos by Tom Chambers--dreaming in reverse collection. View it here.

Someone like you- by Doug Paisley.

I've seen you stumble
I've seen you fall

I've seen you brought down, feathers and all

Picked yourself up for the ones that you call
Your best friends.

I know you've been fighting

What we can't see

Sometimes it takes many faces to be

It takes a time and a place to be free

But in the end

Who would be so cruel
To someone like you
No one but you
Who would make the rouse
For the things that you do
No one but you.

I woke up this morning
Looked at the sky
I thought of all of the time passing by
It didn't matter how hard we tried
'Cause in the end

Who would be so cruel
To someone like you
No one but you
Who would make the rouse
For the things that you do
No one but you.

---

*This was hauntingly-beautiful at Nelsonville Music Festival, where Cheyenne Marie Mize sang duet, and played violin. Cheyenne and Doug both have Daytrotter Sessions where you can legally download samples of their work, unplugged.

my mind/my mind/oh my//it dances.

Animal Collective - "Fireworks" (Bataclan, Paris - Back On Stages) from La Blogotheque on Vimeo.

I don't wanna be "all I ever see sometimes" anymore.

(I'm sorry I was an asshole).
(it's all cloaks, like Dale said).

Sean Pecknold's youtube channel

is golden.

words

boxes.

things I don't have the English for.
(definitions/explanations/ words taken directly from here and here)

Vovohe Tahtsenaotse (Cheyenne)
To prepare the mouth before speaking by moving or licking one’s lips.

Sigurista (Tagalog)
A person who is particularly concerned that everything goes as planned. The kind of person who will not initiate a particular action unless s/he feels 100% sure that the desired result would be obtained.

Komorebi (Japanese)
The sort of scattered, dappled light effect that happens when sunlight shines in through tree leaves.

Hiraeth (Welsh)
A feeling of longing associated with displacement, but not necessarily displacement from one’s original home. An intense yearning to be somewhere you are not.

Khalas (Arabic)
A term used to mean that something is completely and irrevocably done, finished, and over.

Zastóy (Russian)
Intellectual stagnation.

Moit (Scottish)
Pretended indifference/shyness while speaking about a thing one is very keen for.

Talkin (Indonesian)
To whisper instructions to the dying.

Saudade (Portuguese)
A vague and constant desire for something that does not and probably cannot exist, for something other than the present, which indicates a mental turning toward the past or toward the future. It is not an active discontent or poignant sadness but an indolent, dreaming wistfulness. One can actually have ‘saudades’ of someone with whom one is. In this case it would indicate a feeling of loss projected towards the past or the future.
It can also be described as the emptiness and absence one feels when something or someone “should” be there in a particular moment, but is missing.

(Also described as "the love that remains")

(*** it's different from "nostalgia," though that might be its closest english equivalent, because it has a sort of fatalistic connotation attached to it; it is at once an emptiness and a living again).

Torschlusspanik (German)
Literally translated as a “gate-closing panic”. It is sense of anxiety or fear that one’s life is passing them by and that their future opportunities are diminishing.

Dostoprimechatelnost (Russian)
A place you can take notice of a hundred times. It is generally translated as a “point of interest," but it means much more.

Toska (Russian)

Vladmir Nabokov describes it best: "No single word in English renders all the shades of toska. At its deepest and most painful, it is a sensation of great spiritual anguish often without any specific cause. At less morbid levels, it is a dull ache of the soul, a longing with nothing to long for, a sick pining, a vague restlessness, mental throes, yearning. In particular cases, it may be the desire for somebody or something specific, nostalgia, love-sickness. At the lowest level it grades into ennui, boredom."

Mamihlapinatapei (Yagan) (indigenous language of Tierra del Fuego)

The wordless, yet meaningful look shared by two people who both desire to initiate something but are both reluctant to start

----

Do you understand? I'm not sure I understand. And maybe I'm manic and maybe I'm musing, but Oh! it's impossible to say it all.

Jenny Lewis is such a dreamboat.

for real.

Most of us are in love with illusion, anyway; at least she's honest.

fixed my "give a damn"

and just in time.