To take on the world at all angles (requires a strength)

There's this old Southeast Engine song from their One Caught Fire EP (before they even had a studio album, let alone five) that they never play anymore. Actually, I don't have any memory of them playing it ever, but I wasn't around in the beginning beginning. And anyways, it's called Nothing's Wrong, and there's this haunting way Rem says:
"but I swear there's nothing wrong at all. there's nothing wrong at all. there's nothing wrong."

that always gets to me.

The first time I heard it I was a sophomore in high school and Frances (an eighth grader) said, "I can't tell if he means it"

And now maybe everything and nothing is wrong simultaneously. Maybe things are so wrong, that wrong is right. Maybe I'll say Nothing's Wrong, and let you decide if you believe me. It won't make any difference either way.

after a long cry/I feel.

Winter in Gold River
by Catie Rosemurgy

Pretty girl. The weather has knocked her down again

and given her to the lake to wear as a skin.

Why am I always being the weather?
There were days in the winter

when her smile was so lovely I felt

the breathing of my own goodness,

though it remained fetal and separate.

I was a scavenger who survives

with a sling and stones, but whose god

nonetheless invents the first small bright bird.

And it was like flight to bring food to her lips

with a skeletal hand. But now she will always

be naked and sad. She will be what happens

to lake water that is loved and is also

shallow enough. The thickening, the slowing,

the black blood of it, the check opened

to reveal the inevitable heart attack.

God, the silence of the chamber

we watch from. What happens to water

that isn't loved? It undergoes processes.

It freezes beside traffic.

But the reaching out to all sides at once,

the wet closing of what was open?
That is a beautiful woman.

So of course I stand and stare, never able

to pinpoint the exact moment I killed her.

5 words (that keep) breaking my heart:

"This is simply too much"

-My thesis adviser.

(I keep visualizing this like that scene in Babes In Toyland where the one turns to the other and say "so close and yet so far," to which his friend replies, "it wasn't so far," haha).

this is my "you can do it" theme song:

minutia in a happy life:

1. Serendipitous run-ins and thinkings of each other.
2. The way a space comes alive after a stagnant, too-long, winter.
   
3. The best damned French toast I ever did have with Geoff Odiorne (c/o: Crumbs bread + farm fresh eggs + pure organic vanilla extract + freshly ground cardamon pods + totally rad/totally real maple syrup).
   
4. The Oxford English Dictionary.
5. Walking
6. Bicycles
7. Books
8. oh, oh, music--
   
9. Drives away from here.
10. and drives back home

gratefulness

is the warm calming of restlessness that transpires
when you see a familiar face
at precisely the right moment
to keep you from breaking. And gratefulness is
in exchanges--languages--
that face---until time becomes
immeasurable again.

one nation, under corporate rule

I plan, I plan, I plan

God laughs, God laughs, God laughs.

(sometimes beautiful surprises come).